Nobody’s personality is bright, positive, and appealing by chance. People who are popular and happy and lead full, rewarding lives create this kind of existence by using the power and strength that is in every human being.
And it’s never too late to change for the better. To get this absolutely straight in your mind, take a pencil and paper and quiz yourself, honestly and dispassionately.
Divide paper into a debit and credit ledger, and put all your good personality points in the left-hand column and all your personality faults on the other.
For example, if you’re shy and lack confidence in yourself, put that on the debit side. If you think you’re understanding, kind, and interested in others, put that on the credit side.
Just to make sure you’ve missed nothing out, ask a woman friend or relative to check it over. (Be sure this person is someone you can rely on and don’t feel angry if she adds credit or debit points you didn’t think of).
Seeing yourself through another’s eyes is as good as looking in a mental mirror. You may not always like all you see but you will then begin to know the personality you are projecting to the world.
To make your listing easier, here are the traits of two different personalities.
The well-adjusted outgoing personality type is attractive to others because of these traits:
- Courage: She takes the challenge of life without fear and does not blame others for her failures.
- Happiness: She looks naturally on the bright side.
- Originality: She believes in herself and has the courage to express her originality in speech, way of life, and dress.
- Tenderness: She is kind, compassionate, never aggressive or domineering.
- Serenity: She is at peace with herself and not involved in constant inner conflict. Others react well to this.
- Graciousness: She knows how to give a compliment and how to accept one. She is an asset on the job or at home because her presence gives pleasure.
The maladjusted personality type repels others because of these traits:
- Suspiciousness: She does not trust herself or others.
- Listlessness: She lacks the power to enjoy life, and therefore, makes life boring for those round her.
- Fear: She is a natural worrier and constantly looks for the worst possible outcome of anything.
- Inflexibility: She is rigid, super-conservative, hates anything new or different.
- Carelessness: She takes the easy way out always because that is the line of least resistance and least effort.
- Self-absorption: She is so involved with herself, her own doubts and dreads, that she never thinks of others or wants to listen. She is full of self-pity.
In the search for the truth about yourself, you must first of all decide that you are going to be completely and mercilessly honest with yourself.
When your mind would lead you astray, camouflaging your true motives by inventing false and more flattering ones, you must discard this rationalization. For instance, if you didn’t do something because you were too lazy, couldn’t be bothered, don’t tell yourself, “I was too tired” or “too busy”.
This kind of self-deception is hard to avoid because it works like a spy force from within, against yourself. It will lead you into traps which will damage your personality and your physical well-being.
This type of problem is noticed in the housewife who becomes a compulsive nibbler or the career girl who cannot get through the day without headache powders, or in the more extreme cases, the woman who becomes an alcoholic or drug addict.
All these forms of self-deception are really psychological escapes from the disturbing reality of life. Now, having had an honest look at yourself, for good and bad, and having decided to ignore all your mind’s rationalization, go on to the next step.
How to Project Your Personality
Psychologically speaking, personality refers to behavior which though not necessarily right or wrong, is attractive or repelling to other people.
Character is often referred to in connection with personality, but in general, character means the conduct of an individual that is usually assessed as right or wrong and satisfies or falls beneath what are the accepted social standards of the time.
Further, whether your whole personality makes a good or bad impact on others depends on whether your personal adjustments to life have been adequate or inadequate.
Most important of all is an open mind.
Many people, especially as they grow older, tend to become rigid and rejecting all change. Look at the way many of the older generation criticize and deplore the behavior of youth.
If you are going to improve your personality you should understand that your ideas are not the only ideas, and the way you were reared is not the only way.
An open mind is a young mind, and you should strive to cultivate this attitude.
When dealing with others you should set out to ensure that all your best qualities are successfully projected, by your behavior, speech, and facial expressions.
Social manners vary according to the country in which you live, and to a certain extent, the circles in which you move, but basically good manners always amount to consideration for the other person. To show yourself as genuinely considerate always attracts.
You should also bear in mind that your mental altitude affects your physical self.
If you are shy, ill at case, and nervous you will reveal these inhibitions by jerky movements, facial grimaces, fidgeting, and sometimes stammering in speech. These actions repel others because they indicate lack of inner control.
Presenting your personality to the world means in effect that you must package yourself attractively, and sell yourself.
To give a mundane illustration when you walk into a shop and you see two competing products, one attractively presented and the other shabbily put together, you will almost certainly choose the more attractive one, provided it is within your price range.
The same applies to people. Remember that your first judgment of a new acquaintance is of their physical appearance.
Although as your acquaintance with another person grows you will often discover attractive qualities that you did not previously notice, it’s possible that if a person is presented in an unattractive manner you will not bother to proceed with the acquaintance.
You should bear these points in mind, particularly if you wish to extend your circle of friends. Of course, making the best overall impression includes using the physical aids to beauty as well as developing your personality.
The basis of all kinds of personal success is self-assurance which is justified. This means that you must have a genuine respect for yourself.
If you believe yourself to be attractive (without vanity or arrogance) you will find that you smile more easily, that all the social responses come more quickly, and the more this happens the greater your belief in yourself and your own personal worth becomes.
But you should avoid vanity or false pride, both of which are extremely damaging to the satisfactory projection of your personality. If you consider yourself plain, dull, or uninteresting, you may well develop some of the personality traits that reflect this attitude.
Some women who (in their own hearts) consider themselves unattractive develop what psychologists term “defiant, aggressive, and unfeminine personalities.”
Others tend to shy away from all contact with men, become withdrawn and insecure. Unfortunately the results of both of these types of behavior invite further failures because both repel possible friends.
The Technique of Changing Yourself
Most people go through life with a vague idea that they would like to be better or achieve more or make more money, but they never reduce their dream of self-fulfillment into anything concrete.
They don’t ever set up a tangible goal, and as a result they do not stimulate their personal motivation to build up the enthusiasm and drive to carry them over the inevitable set-backs and obstacles.
The conscious mind is the part of yourself that you are clearly aware of. It does your thinking, makes your decisions, compares facts, observes data, and guides you through the day.
The subconscious mind is the part of your mind of which you are not aware, yet its influence is powerful and constant.
In your subconscious mind lie inhibitions, urges, drives, demands, and many other qualities, most of which you deliberately cast out of your conscious mind.
For personality reconstruction you must attempt to motivate both your conscious and subconscious mind towards your goal in life.
Aiming at one goal
So, spend a few minutes each day building up a definite, detailed mental picture of what you want. Assume, for example, that you would like to have a more attractive house or flat.
Thinking about it is not enough. You must imagine exactly the sort of home you want and bring it back into your mind whenever you have even a moment.
The effect of this constantly visualized mind picture will be that little by little your subconscious mind will take hold of it and accept it.
By this means both your conscious and subconscious mind will be aiming at the same goal. You will find that it is easier to discard negative thinking and fears of failure and difficulties.
At the same time you will be building up what psychologists term your self-image. This self-image is an integral part of your personality. It is made up of confidence or lack of confidence, belief in your own success or failure, and faith in your personal worth.
Remember that you see yourself in many situations, as a career woman, a housewife, a mother, a hostess.
The way you see yourself in these roles is a reflection of your self-image. This image is also affected by the comparisons your conscious mind makes with the way other people fill any specific role.
Perhaps at work you think you do your job better than the girl next to you. Perhaps at home you think you are a more effective wife than the woman next door.
If you genuinely accept these beliefs in your conscious mind, your subconscious mind will accept them too and will contribute toward making your performance in any role better and more positive.
Most psychologists agree that no human being can achieve more or be better than his or her sell-image delineates.
Because it is the subconscious mind that eventually forces its attitude on the conscious mind, you can use the suggestion for or against yourself – to increase or reduce your potential.
If you think of yourself as a failure you are, in fact, though you don’t realize it, using negative auto-suggestion against yourself.
Alternatively, if you regard yourself as a success or a good physical specimen or a healthy person, you are using positive auto-suggestion in favor of yourself.
Decide now not to think negatively about anything. Negative thinking results in physical deterioration in energy, persistence and the capacity to think clearly.
It creates the sort of personality which is always tired, always passive, usually to be found sitting in front of the television set watching other people live.
Stimulated to greater efforts
It is much easier to think negatively than positively, but any kind of success demands self-discipline and unremitting effort. On the other hand positive thinking does become easier as it becomes a habit.
You will be constantly stimulated to greater effort by the discovery of rewards in the form of more favorable impressions on others, better work output, and more vigor and energy.
By the deliberate control of your mental attitude on a positive course and at the same time keeping your personal goal before your conscious mind, you are automatically improving the images of yourself which are passed down into your subconscious mind and which in time will begin to govern your behavior.
Bear in mind also that your subconscious does not examine what you pass down into it. It operates something like a computer.
You feed an attitude into your subconscious and it stimulated to greater efforts will be reflected eventually in your actions and altitudes. So think constantly about what you want and the way in which you would like to have it.
Buy a small notebook and head the first page “Immediate Goal.”
Write down in your own words precisely what you want. This will help to focus your thinking into a definite mental picture.
If it is a better house, describe in a few words the sort of place you would like to have, and where, and what sort of furnishings. When you have finished, immediately picture your dream home in your mind and think it over whenever you have a spare minute.
To become more popular
The same approach, of course, applies if you want to gain a better job or become more popular. Write down the kind of job that you want and the sort of rewards you would expect.
If you want to become more popular, you could describe the sort of parties you would like to attend or imagine yourself as a happy member of a group describing, of course, the type of the group, the place, and all the other concrete facets of the mental picture.
By the end of the 60 days of faithfully doing this, you will be surprised to find that you feel different.
You will have greater drive, persistence, and determination. You will find new ideas and new ways of doing things popping up in your mind because you have, in fact, programmed your subconscious mind to accept the mental picture of your goal.
It is important also to mention that once you have programmed your conscious and subconscious mind to think positively you should, at the same time, try to imagine yourself in the desired circumstances.
For example, if you want a better job, say for instance that of a junior executive, you should examine the way women already holding that sort of job behave.
You will note that inevitably they are conscientious and determined to the point where they do not watch the clock, they do not take over-long lunch hours, they sometimes work back to finish an urgent task.
Many success stories of both men and women reflect the results of this type of behavior. For example, a quite junior staff member who tries as hard as her superiors to fulfill all she is asked to do, and cannot fail in time to achieve recognition and promotion.
You can make your personality more attractive, more appealing to other people, if you really want to. It involves conditioning your subconscious mind by thinking positively. If you value popularity and success the effort is worthwhile.